atomiclemonade's Xanga

Too much to handle

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 02:46:12 GMT

Life right now is too much to handle. I can't keep doing this to myself. Everything is scaring me and worrying me and confusing me. I've never felt like this before. And I don't know what to do or who to turn to...

Wake me up when it's over

Sat, 20 Sep 2008 01:56:28 GMT

Three years I've been here. IUP has become my home, especially when home wasn't home anymore, and thinking about leaving this place breaks my heart. In the next few months I will have to make many choices and some choices will be made for me. I plan to apply to Grad school at IUP and wish on every lucky star that I get in. I can't imagine going anywhere else. I love my professors here and I am comfortable with our clinic. I get along with my Speechies and would miss them dearly if I had to leave. I have the grades and the ambition to make it anywhere, but I am not the type of person that talks openly in class. Being shy makes it extremely hard to talk in class. My professors know my name, but they don't know "me." This is one of the major factors that they look at when looking at applications for the Grad program. The Speech-Language Pathology program here at IUP gets around 70-80 applications for Fall. They only accept 20 of these students, and IUP graduates are not automatically accepted. We do not get any special treatment. It sucks, but it's life. So I have to decide on other places to go. The only other place around here that I would want to go is Edinboro. They require you to take the GRE's to get in, and I haven't taken them. Perhaps over Winter Break I will take that test, along with the Praxis II exam. Oy. So much to do in such a short amount of time.

Another thing I have to keep in mind is what I want to do when I actually have my Master's degree and head out into the real world. Yes, I do realize that I have 3 more years before reality sets in, but I have no idea what way I'm leaning. Ever since I looked into the Speech program here I thought that being a Speech coach and doing accent modifications would be a dream job. I could work with people with foreign accents to get their accents and speech up to par with native English speakers. Or, for the cool job, I could work with celebrities or singers in Los Angeles doing dialect or accent modifications, and hygeine therapy. I would kick some serious ass at that, so I am going to look into getting an internship out in California and live with my uncle for awhile, maybe over summer. If that doesn't work out, I will stick with my original plan and get my teacher certification and work in the school setting. I've always wanted to work with kids. I was actually thinking that I could do the Speech Teacher thing during school time and do Speech coaching on the side and during the summertime.

There are just so many things to think about and I am the worst decision maker of life. This should be good...

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 19:51:02 GMT

Added a few blogs from my MySpace from April to fill in Xanga a bit.

Updates

Tue, 17 Jun 2008 02:47:54 GMT

Wow, it's been awhile! I haven't written an actual entry on here in so long. I sometimes write on MySpace, so I don't think to write on here. I actually have had my blog on private for quite some time. Well, I'm tired of hiding.

This summer has been something else. It really has. I feel like I have been tossed around. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. Home isn't home anymore. Everyone has changed since October. It's really quite sad. And I am the one stuck without a home. I feel like the only place I belong anymore is down in Indiana. At least there I have a purpose. I wish that I could just say what I feel about everything, but I fear that no one would listen. I'm not put first anymore. I understand that I am an adult now, but you would think parents would try to be there no matter what.

I haven't had the chance to see any of my friends from home this summer, except two. And that was only for a day. But I do get to see my Anna tomorrow, so that makes me very happy. Hopefully sometime soon I will go visit Rob, since he has been bugging me FOREVER. haha

I spent a month down in Monroeville living with my sister and her roommate. That was an experience and a half. But a month was long enough. At least it got me away from "home" for awhile.

Last Saturday until Thursday, I went to Philadelphia to spend time with my friend, Erica. It was fun. I had never been to that side of the state, really, so it was a nice visit. You get to see what people are really like when you visit their home. Also, I got to see Brendan, Casey, and Joe when we went into Philly. Bren and Casey live together now, so it wasn't that hard to get everyone together. Things certainly have changed, but it was still nice to see them. Now, I say it's everyone else's turn to come visit me.

The WJG issue happened again. Not WJG this time. But it sure stirred up some things.

I really don't know what the rest of the summer is going to bring, but I am sure I will update again soon. Ta ta for now!

The grass is greener on the other side of college

Mon, 14 Apr 2008 19:47:00 GMT

Wow, so I usually don't write blogs this often, but I really need to write.
So, I have sooo much work and other stuff that I need to get done in the next few weeks. It pretty much sucks and plenty of times, I feel like I just want to quit. But then I realize that I will survive. I will get passed all this school stuff and move on to something better in the future. These next 3 years may be hard as hell, but one day, one day, I will be able to do what I want to do. And it will all be worth it.

On a much happier note, we had elections for Alpha Phi Omega, and guess what?! I'm Historian for 2008-2009! I'm super excited! I get to take lots of pictures and being the pack rat that I am, save everything of importance to put into a scrapbook... my love. I hope that I can do as good of a job as Katie, she pretty much rocks! I just can't wait for next year for new and exciting changes in APhiO.

This summer, I am hoping to live with my sister in Monroeville. It will get me out of Warren County. Thank GOD! I just don't think that living at home this summer would do me any good, plus I need something different. Hopefully everything works out alright.

Well, I guess this was long enough. I should probably get to bed soon. Another busy day awaits me.

I'd love to hear from my friends! Message me or leave me a comment, guys! I love you and want to hear from you!

TTFN

Thursday, April 03, 2008

Thu, 03 Apr 2008 10:14:32 GMT

I'm falling.

Just an update

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:51:00 GMT

Hey guys, I don’t know who actually reads this, so leave a comment if you do! :)

Okay, so lately things have been super stressful. Classes are hard this semester, which I was fully anticipating. It is by far my hardest semester yet. And to top things off, I get to schedule on Thursday, and one of the requirements for Pre-Student Teaching I is to have my portfolio done. Well, to get my portfolio done, I would have to get all my clearances and fingerpriting done, plus a TB shot. So, I don’t know how long this will take, but I surely don’t have enough time to get all this done, between school work and APO stuff. Hopefully, I can still get in anyway, because I can only take it in the Fall, and I really really want to graduate on time.
If only I would have picked an easier major.

Trisket

Fri, 21 Mar 2008 21:44:18 GMT

It's going to kill me when she is gone.
This little girl has been in my life for the majority of it.
12 years of my life have been soaked up with her love and affection.
She's my little baby, and I can't imagine my life without her.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Sun, 20 Jan 2008 21:00:47 GMT

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Thu, 17 Jan 2008 03:07:02 GMT

38....wtf am i thinking?! lol